As my EX remains in control!!!

Another day, another burden, right.  Maybe so, but what could be worse than being sexually assaulted by your divorce attorney and then finding out that he’s a registered sex offender, and that my husband, now ex-husband knew this?!?  I thought being around him was the answer to my many troubles, when the truth is that being around him nearly destroyed my sanity.  You see, because he had consumed and controlled me so much when we were married, I thought that, “he still get’s what he wants from me” was normal, even though we were divorced.

Not quite 2 years after our divorce, I left Texas for good.  So between August of 2008 and March of 2010 my ex came to my home almost daily to be intimate with me.  Dear God, not because I wanted it, but because he wanted it and I did not know how to say, “NO!”  I didn’t want it that much when we were married, now that we were divorced…well, what was he thinking???  But even more, what was I thinking?  I was thinking I could not say “NO” to him.  He scared me into submission. I would say that he is a sick, sick man! Selfish to the core.  Whenever I asked if he could just hold, his answer was always, “NO”.  Not once in 14 years would he just hold me, just comfort me.  Well, he was saying no to me, but if I ever said “NO” to him you would know what a child he was in that he would turn his back on me, even for days!  I came up with a strategy to make him a peace offering which was oatmeal raisin cookies because that was his favorite.  But that was also saying that I was wrong, and that is what he wanted.  Thomas Marvin could not be wrong.  But he could lie.  And it was okay for him to make fun of other people, but don’t make fun of him.  Oh no, never make fun of him.  His insecurities are so huge that walking on eggshells was an understatement.

So what led me to marry him?  I fell in love.  Despite all the flaws and despite the warning in my inner being, I married him anyways.  I wish I could have stood up for myself.  Yet, I’m not even sure that I knew what I wanted.  I thought if I slept with him after we were divorced that he would want me back.  Now I am so grateful that he wanted a divorce.  I’m free to discover me and free to love a man who really is respectful of me and to me and who has not shown any signs of being like my ex.  Thank you God for bring Kevin into my life.  May our love reflect you in all that we do, amen!

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